The following is a true story. The names have been changed, not to protect the innocent, but because I couldn't remember them!
A five-year old boy was attending pre-kindergarten classes. He became friends with two girls in the class, Sally and Katie, and decided to “marry” them. He “married” Sally on Monday and Katie on Wednesday. On Friday, his mom received a call from Sally’s mother.
“I just wanted to let you know that your son is causing problems between Sallie and Katie. They were best friends, but now are not talking to each other because your son ‘married’ both of them.”
“He doesn’t understand what that means,” said the boy’s mom. “I’ll have a talk with him about it.”
When she tried to explain the situation to her five year old son, his response was classic:
“I don’t see what the big deal is, Mom. I didn’t marry them both on the same day.”
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Spring
A poem from my youth:
Spring is sprung,
The grass is riz,
I wonder where the birdies is.
The bird is on the wing.
How absurd.
The wing is on the bird.
I took this picture today outside a post office in Westchester County, New York:
Spring is sprung,
The grass is riz,
I wonder where the birdies is.
The bird is on the wing.
How absurd.
The wing is on the bird.
I took this picture today outside a post office in Westchester County, New York:
Ask your doctor
For anyone who has seen all those annoying TV commercials for pharmaceuticals you never heard of, there was a very funny cartoon called The Lockhorns in the Sunday newspapers on March 15, 2009.
Usually it’s a wife making a funny comment about her husband or the husband doing the same about his wife.
This particular panel depicted the wife sitting on an examination table in a doctor’s office. She had a sheet of paper in her hand and was asking the doctor:
“Is Glomex right for me? Is Droeon right for me? Is Contane right for me?”
Brilliant satire!
Usually it’s a wife making a funny comment about her husband or the husband doing the same about his wife.
This particular panel depicted the wife sitting on an examination table in a doctor’s office. She had a sheet of paper in her hand and was asking the doctor:
“Is Glomex right for me? Is Droeon right for me? Is Contane right for me?”
Brilliant satire!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
A modest proposal
With apologies to Jonathan Swift, I am submitting this modest proposal.
In New York, it is a violation of the traffic law for a driver to use a hand-held cell phone while operating a moving vehicle. This law is based on the assumption that drivers using these devices pose a danger to others using the roadways.
Recently in New York, the police have been cracking down on the use of hand-held cell phones by drivers. They stop the vehicles and issue tickets to the offending drivers.
Based on my observations as a driver on New York roads, it might be beneficial for the police to stop only those drivers who are not using a hand-held cell phone. That way, they would be off the road and safely out of the way of those dangerous drivers who are using hand-held cell phones.
At least for a few minutes.
In New York, it is a violation of the traffic law for a driver to use a hand-held cell phone while operating a moving vehicle. This law is based on the assumption that drivers using these devices pose a danger to others using the roadways.
Recently in New York, the police have been cracking down on the use of hand-held cell phones by drivers. They stop the vehicles and issue tickets to the offending drivers.
Based on my observations as a driver on New York roads, it might be beneficial for the police to stop only those drivers who are not using a hand-held cell phone. That way, they would be off the road and safely out of the way of those dangerous drivers who are using hand-held cell phones.
At least for a few minutes.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Money Talks
With the airwaves filled with talk of money, bailouts and fraud schemes, I am reminded of an old advertising slogan:
MONEY TALKS,
NOBODY WALKS
Of course, today that slogan is more likely to read:
MONEY TALKS,
ALL MINE EVER SAYS IS GOODBYE.
MONEY TALKS,
NOBODY WALKS
Of course, today that slogan is more likely to read:
MONEY TALKS,
ALL MINE EVER SAYS IS GOODBYE.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
My newest hobby
The other day I was in my local supermarket, picking up a quart of milk at my wife’s request. While in the diary aisle, I spotted a sale sign for a brand of cheese I like. The sign indicated the containers were two for five dollars. I only wanted one, and since the sign did not require that I buy two to get the sale price, the cheese would cost me $2.50.
I have a habit of never taking the first item on the shelf, so I had to move the front container to reach the one behind it. As I did so, I noticed the “sell by” date on the first container was three weeks before. Thus, the product’s shelf life had expired.
The container behind it was still fresh, so that’s the one I would be buying. However, since I felt it wasn’t right to leave the expired container on the shelf, I took it to the customer service desk and explained that it was past it’s “sell by” date. The clerk then handed me a coupon for $1 off my order, in effect reducing the cost of my cheese purchase to $1.50.
It seems the supermarket has a policy of giving a one dollar coupon if a customer finds an expired item for sale on the store’s shelves. They call it their freshness guarantee.
So my new hobby is to check a few expiration dates each time I shop.
It’s a game with better odds than the lottery.
I have a habit of never taking the first item on the shelf, so I had to move the front container to reach the one behind it. As I did so, I noticed the “sell by” date on the first container was three weeks before. Thus, the product’s shelf life had expired.
The container behind it was still fresh, so that’s the one I would be buying. However, since I felt it wasn’t right to leave the expired container on the shelf, I took it to the customer service desk and explained that it was past it’s “sell by” date. The clerk then handed me a coupon for $1 off my order, in effect reducing the cost of my cheese purchase to $1.50.
It seems the supermarket has a policy of giving a one dollar coupon if a customer finds an expired item for sale on the store’s shelves. They call it their freshness guarantee.
So my new hobby is to check a few expiration dates each time I shop.
It’s a game with better odds than the lottery.
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