A lawyer friend of mine recently called another attorney regarding an overdue settlement check on a personal injury case. The latter lawyer told him, “I love saying this when it’s true – the check is in the mail.”
Of course, this implies that he also says it when it’s not true – he just doesn’t love saying it then.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Truth in Labeling
I’m thinking of suing someone for false labeling.
The other night we ordered Chinese takeout. As usual, after spooning some brown rice onto my plate, I reached for a packet of soy sauce. For some reason, I began to read the ingredients listed on the packet. I knew from past experience that ingredients are listed in descending order. This particular packet listed a total of six ingredients: water, salt, vegetable protein, corn syrup, caramel color and 1/10 of 1% sodium benzoate.
Buy wait! Where was the soy?
It turns out there is no soy in American made packets of “soy” sauce.
Just to make sure I wasn’t missing something, I went to the refrigerator and located a bottle of Kikkoman soy sauce. Sure enough, the ingredient label read: water, wheat, soy beans, salt, less than 0.10% sodium benzoate as a preservative.
So, should I sue the Chinese takeout restaurant or the American manufacturer of “soy” sauce for false labeling? Or should I just shut up and eat?
Either way, I’ll probably be hungry about an hour later.
The other night we ordered Chinese takeout. As usual, after spooning some brown rice onto my plate, I reached for a packet of soy sauce. For some reason, I began to read the ingredients listed on the packet. I knew from past experience that ingredients are listed in descending order. This particular packet listed a total of six ingredients: water, salt, vegetable protein, corn syrup, caramel color and 1/10 of 1% sodium benzoate.
Buy wait! Where was the soy?
It turns out there is no soy in American made packets of “soy” sauce.
Just to make sure I wasn’t missing something, I went to the refrigerator and located a bottle of Kikkoman soy sauce. Sure enough, the ingredient label read: water, wheat, soy beans, salt, less than 0.10% sodium benzoate as a preservative.
So, should I sue the Chinese takeout restaurant or the American manufacturer of “soy” sauce for false labeling? Or should I just shut up and eat?
Either way, I’ll probably be hungry about an hour later.
Customer Service
The other day, a friend who works at the customer service desk of a department store told this story:
A woman called and said. “ I just got home and I noticed there was only one shoe in the box of shoes I bought today.”
Customer Service Rep: “Didn’t you check that there were two shoes in the box when you bought them?
Customer on the phone: “No. I tired the shoe on and didn’t realize the other one was missing.”
CS Rep: “Okay, just bring it back and we’ll refund your money.”
Customer: “Oh, no, I like the shoe. I just want you to look for the missing one.”
You can’t make this stuff up.
A woman called and said. “ I just got home and I noticed there was only one shoe in the box of shoes I bought today.”
Customer Service Rep: “Didn’t you check that there were two shoes in the box when you bought them?
Customer on the phone: “No. I tired the shoe on and didn’t realize the other one was missing.”
CS Rep: “Okay, just bring it back and we’ll refund your money.”
Customer: “Oh, no, I like the shoe. I just want you to look for the missing one.”
You can’t make this stuff up.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Fortune
At dinner the other night, I opened three Chinese fortune cookies. They were very specific. One read: “You will inherit some money.” Another read: “Your love life will be happy and harmonious.” The third read: “It is a sunny day.”
In fewer than 24 hours, one of them came true.
Then it got dark again.
In fewer than 24 hours, one of them came true.
Then it got dark again.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
A Perry Mason Surprise
I grew up watching television in the 1950s. One of my favorite shows was Perry Mason, the criminal defense attorney who always won his case before the end of the hour. He had a secretary/gal Friday named Della Street and a private investigator named Paul Drake. His usual opponent was prosecutor, Hamilton Burger.
As I recall, there was never anything mentioned about Perry’s home life. Was he married? Did he have children? What did he do in his spare time? None of that seemed to matter since the show was all about the courtroom drama and how Perry figured out who the real criminal was. It always amazed me that he only defended innocent people – he never won a case based on reasonable doubt, a standard whereby even guilty people were acquitted because of a lack of evidence. There was always another person who confessed from the witness stand before the episode ended.
Perry Mason was one of the reasons I became a lawyer. It should be noted that I was also a big fan of TV westerns, but there didn’t seem to be much of a future in being a cowboy.
I must also admit that E.G. Marshall of The Defenders was also an influence. His young associate was played by actor Robert Reed, who later came out of the closet, but who displayed no hint of gayness on the show. Which brings me to the shocking revelation that the actor who played Perry Mason, Raymond Burr, old Ironsides himself, was gay.
I learned this by reading a newspaper article by the author of a book titled, “Hiding in Plain Sight: The Secret Life of Raymond Burr.” The author, Michael Starr, wrote this:
“…he did a complete about-face from his TV alter-ego, concocting a web of deceit that included two dead wives and a dead son, fabrications repeated so many times that Burr dug himself into a hole – forced to play the heartbroken husband-and-father role to the end of his life….no one ever questioned Burr’s ‘biography,’ even though family members as close as his sister said they never met any of his dead wives or his son – and even though the dates Burr gave for his tragic losses didn’t compute when matched to the verifiable facts of his life.”
As Jerry Seinfeld so correctly stated in an episode of his classic sitcom, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” It’s just that I never imagined Raymond Burr in that way. I guess I should be thankful that they never showed Perry Mason’s home life, or I might have concluded that he, too, was of that persuasion.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
As I recall, there was never anything mentioned about Perry’s home life. Was he married? Did he have children? What did he do in his spare time? None of that seemed to matter since the show was all about the courtroom drama and how Perry figured out who the real criminal was. It always amazed me that he only defended innocent people – he never won a case based on reasonable doubt, a standard whereby even guilty people were acquitted because of a lack of evidence. There was always another person who confessed from the witness stand before the episode ended.
Perry Mason was one of the reasons I became a lawyer. It should be noted that I was also a big fan of TV westerns, but there didn’t seem to be much of a future in being a cowboy.
I must also admit that E.G. Marshall of The Defenders was also an influence. His young associate was played by actor Robert Reed, who later came out of the closet, but who displayed no hint of gayness on the show. Which brings me to the shocking revelation that the actor who played Perry Mason, Raymond Burr, old Ironsides himself, was gay.
I learned this by reading a newspaper article by the author of a book titled, “Hiding in Plain Sight: The Secret Life of Raymond Burr.” The author, Michael Starr, wrote this:
“…he did a complete about-face from his TV alter-ego, concocting a web of deceit that included two dead wives and a dead son, fabrications repeated so many times that Burr dug himself into a hole – forced to play the heartbroken husband-and-father role to the end of his life….no one ever questioned Burr’s ‘biography,’ even though family members as close as his sister said they never met any of his dead wives or his son – and even though the dates Burr gave for his tragic losses didn’t compute when matched to the verifiable facts of his life.”
As Jerry Seinfeld so correctly stated in an episode of his classic sitcom, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” It’s just that I never imagined Raymond Burr in that way. I guess I should be thankful that they never showed Perry Mason’s home life, or I might have concluded that he, too, was of that persuasion.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
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